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And In Other News

    • Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science
      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.
    • Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science
      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.
      gotta be more to this story, do tell.
    • Jake Ace wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science
      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.
      gotta be more to this story, do tell.
      Freeze dried chilli the night before precipitated the stirring of certain gastric juices during a full day of hiking... and dried apricots, a lot of them, may have been involved...
    • Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science
      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.
      gotta be more to this story, do tell.
      Freeze dried chilli the night before precipitated the stirring of certain gastric juices during a full day of hiking... and dried apricots, a lot of them, may have been involved...
      Holy Dutch oven Tin Man! that’ll do ‘er. :D
    • My wife has banned dried apricots from the house. Now I only get to enjoy them on the trail. Woe to any person who walks too close behind me after I chow down on some of them.
      “Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
      the saddest are these, 'It might have been.”


      John Greenleaf Whittier
    • Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science

      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.

      gotta be more to this story, do tell.

      Freeze dried chilli the night before precipitated the stirring of certain gastric juices during a full day of hiking... and dried apricots, a lot of them, may have been involved...

      >>>Advertise here! Affordable rates and no long term contracts. Send a PM for more details!<<<
    • max.patch wrote:

      well...someones gonna post it.


      poor bastard, that’s way worse than the gummy bear incident...or maybe not; From Amazon reviews...

      My Dinner With Andrea
      By@StuPurdueon November 21, 2013
      I'm pretty sure Andrea (I'll call her) agreed to have dinner at my apartment only because I always spoke to her using nothing but my two-years-of-high-school German. Her English was perfect. Probably better than mine. But the fact that I could only ask her directions to the Autobahn or inquire about the health of her non-existent Tante Amelia, seemed to make me appealing to her in a sweet and non-threatening way.
      My intentions, however, were considerably less child-like. Which is why the shopping that night was done at one of those upscale groceries with an international flair. Moules Marinieres is as much of a panty-peeler as anything I can cook, and isn't that hard to pull off. But still, I was busy tracking the recipe in my head when I found myself in the sweets aisle. And that, to my great chagrin, is why I didn't immediately notice the difference between Haribo Normal Gummi Bears (which are designed for human enjoyment) and Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears (which are designed for use in maximum security prisons as a way to punish uncooperative inmates).
      I shan't make that mistake again. (notice you can't spell SHAN'T without SHAT.)
      Prior to Andrea's arrival, I sat in my living room, creating a playlist of make-out music and nervously binging on the Gummi Bears I had placed in a decorative bowl because I am fancy.
      The doorbell rang, and within minutes we were standing in the kitchen, drinking beers and both of us probably worrying that we were about to exhaust my ability to communicate in her native tongue. But soon that would be the least of my worries. In the middle of trying to ask Andrea if she likes to dance to young people's music, I felt a flutter in my midsection, accompanied by a guttural pronouncement so loud it threatened to drown out my own voice.
      Maybe it was because I was mentally refreshing my language lessons, but it suddenly struck me how much pre-diarrheal grumblings sound like German words.
      "ENTSCHULDIGUNG!" was the next thing uttered by my rapidly clenching stomach. Appropriately, Andrea looked up in response.
      "Sind Sie Kaffee machen?" she asked.
      Am I making coffee?
      I thought I must have mistranslated her at first, then finally I realized that yes, the loud, ominous gurgling coming from my gut could easily be mistaken for the percolating of some bachelor's crappy coffeemaker.
      It's remarkable how quickly one knows that one is about to have a traumatic pottymaking experience. Maybe that's the body's way of buying you the precious seconds you need. I was already calculating the number of steps to the bathroom, speculating on whether I would have time to lift the lid to the toilet, when my own voice cried out loudly in my head.
      She's going to hear EVERYTHING!
      Thanks to an acoustical idiosyncrasy in my building, the hallway outside the bathroom works as an amplifier pointed straight at my living room-slash-kitchen. So that somehow even the gentlest tinkle sounds like I'm pouring lemonade out of a bucket.
      With only half an idea of what I was doing, I grabbed Andrea's hand and pulled her roughly down onto my sofa. I must have looked like a madman as I booted up my iTunes playlist, plugged in the gigantic new headphones I had just bought to keep me looking young and hip, and clamped them down over her ears. (the sweat forming on my brow and upper lip couldn't have helped.) In response to her nervous expression, I kept shouting "You'll love this! You'll love this!"
      I spun her around so that she was looking out the window. My "plan" was that she'd be so distracted by the modest 4th floor view, that it would allow me to pull my pants off while I sprinted down the hall, silently singing the praises of the noise-reducing quality of my new headphones. (this story will be reprinted in its entirety as a 5 star review on the Sony Beats Audio Amazon page.)
      As I slammed the bathroom door shut, already half naked, it occurred to me that I had not been shouting "You'll love this!" at Andrea. I don't even know how to say that in German. In my desperation I had been saying "Ich Leibe Dich!" Repeatedly professing my love for her in a shaky and frantic voice. But maybe that was a good thing, because as I threw myself at the toilet, I figured the best I could hope for is that she would be so creeped-out that she would sneak out of the apartment, blissfully unaware of the carnage taking place in the next room.
      What can I say about the ensuing white-knuckle bowel movement that hasn't been expressed in other reviews on this page? I'm pretty sure I haven't seen the adjective "Kafkaesque" used anywhere else.
      By the end of Act One of this private little torture-porn movie, I was confessing to every unsolved crime in history. Praying I would stumble upon the one that would satisfy my invisible captors.
      Quickly I realized that I had more than Andrea's sense of sound to worry about. Were she to get even the faintest whiff of the weapons-grade sluice that my anus was angrily shouting into the porcelain, I would have to change my name and move to another city.
      And so I flushed. And flushed. And flushed and flushed.
      And then I flushed and nothing happened.
      I have never looked down into a broken toilet with more horror in my entire life. And I once stopped up George Clooney's crapper! (a true story for another time.)
      I reached for the plunger, but my hand froze and my heart seized when I saw it on the floor, broken in two and covered in what looked like teeth marks. Apparently I had used the wooden handle to keep from biting my tongue off and had chewed clean through it. When did that happen? It seems my mind had already started the process of repressing this entire event.
      Amid the feverish, fruitless dance I did across my tiny bathroom floor, it dawned on me that it had been more than a minute since my last soul-wrenching anal tantrum. Dear Lord, is it over? I asked, quite possibly aloud.
      I may have been light-headed and delusional, but I began to imagine a non-ignominious resolution to this ordeal. I just needed to get her the hell out of here. If Andrea hadn't fled the building, vomiting in terror, then I supposed I could pull up my trousers and make a cavalier exit. As long as I could get her off premises and as far away from this post-apocalyptic commode as humanly possible. Assuming that the Diarrhistas had retreated to the hills temporarily, maybe I could even whisk Andrea away to a candlelight dinner at Bernardo's. How impulsive!
      My first few steps back toward the living room were tentative. And not just because my sphincter felt raw and tattered. It was a slow approach to the Moment of Truth, especially when I saw her figure still planted on my sofa. I knew any look on Andrea's face other than her mouth agape would constitute a miraculous victory. And when she smiled at me, the wash of relief that engulfed me was more glorious than any throes of ecstasy I might have wished for at the beginning of the night.
      And then I saw it.
      The decorative bowl sitting in her lap. Down to just the last few sugarless Gummi bears.
      "Du hast Haribo!" she said to me. Accompanied by a satisfied smile. A big, beaming Hansel and Gretel smile, that slightly turned down in one corner at the sound we both suddenly heard. A low rumble from deep within her GI tract that sounded like Gefahrrrrr.
      The German word for Danger.
      Her eyes shot past mine and refocused on the bathroom door just down the hall behind me.

      Read less

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Jake Ace ().

    • TrafficJam wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      We do this... and add summer sausage, onions, peppers, whatever



      How do you cook it? I assume it needs to simmer?
      Bartender and I usually mix up a half package for the two of us. We use the full can of paste for a half batch. We add whatever else sounds good to make it more robust.

      Additions:

      7 cups water
      1 can (6 oz) tomato paste
      Cooking Directions:
      Bring 7 cups of water to a rolling boil. Whisk in chili mix and 1 can (6 oz) tomato paste. Reduce heat to medium and simmer uncovered 20 - 25 minutes, stirring occasionally. Salt and pepper to taste. Store in a cool dry place.
      Ingredients:
      Pinto Beans, Red and Black Beans, Onions, Enriched Long Grain Rice (Niacin, Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Folic Acid), Natural Beef Flavor, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Corn Starch, Sugar, Bell Peppers, Chicken Fat, Beef Stock, Maltodextrin, Citric Acid, Celery, Salt, Garlic, Chili Peppers, Natural Flavors, Spices, Caramel Color, Disodium Inosinate and Disodium Guanylate (Flavor Enhancers).
      Contains: Soy.


      [/td]
      [/tr]
      [/table]
      [/td]
      [/tr]
      [/table]
    • Jake Ace wrote:

      max.patch wrote:

      well...someones gonna post it.


      poor bastard, that’s way worse than the gummy bear incident...or maybe not; From Amazon reviews...
      My Dinner With Andrea
      By@StuPurdueon November 21, 2013


      I
      SNIP!!
      That is the greatest Amazon review, ever! If he just hadn't overdone it with biting the plunger in half, the story would have been perfectly plausible...

      I'm waiting for Part Two-Andrea's Review...

      Something that has never happened to me on the trail(probably due to dehydration!), thank goodness.
    • ScareBear wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      max.patch wrote:

      well...someones gonna post it.


      poor bastard, that’s way worse than the gummy bear incident...or maybe not; From Amazon reviews...My Dinner With Andrea
      By@StuPurdueon November 21, 2013


      I
      SNIP!!
      That is the greatest Amazon review, ever! If he just hadn't overdone it with biting the plunger in half, the story would have been perfectly plausible...
      I'm waiting for Part Two-Andrea's Review...

      Something that has never happened to me on the trail(probably due to dehydration!), thank goodness.
      Happened to a buddy of mine years ago, he had been hiking a few minutes a head me when suddenly I came across his pack sitting trailside. I looked around and couldn't see him at first, but then I saw him trying to hide behind a boulder; pants around his ankles, and furiously wiping much of his lower body.
      I shouted to him to ask of he was alright.
      He shouted back in an agonized tone "Dave, I think I left a trace..."
      >>>Advertise here! Affordable rates and no long term contracts. Send a PM for more details!<<<
    • I've got all of y'all beat. But the entire story can only be told in person (around the campfire and with good bourbon) so that I can properly impart the horror of the whole episode.
      In life there are no limitations. Except stupidity. If you're stupid, you're screwed.

      Stephan Pastis
    • TrafficJam wrote:

      I've got all of y'all beat. But the entire story can only be told in person (around the campfire and with good bourbon) so that I can properly impart the horror of the whole episode.
      Ok! I've got the good bourbon. Where do you want to build that fire? :thumbsup:
      "Dazed and Confused"
      Recycle, re-use, re-purpose
      Plant a tree
      Take a kid hiking
      Make a difference
    • LIhikers wrote:

      jimmyjam wrote:

      TrafficJam wrote:

      I've got all of y'all beat. But the entire story can only be told in person (around the campfire and with good bourbon) so that I can properly impart the horror of the whole episode.
      Ok! I've got the good bourbon. Where do you want to build that fire? :thumbsup:
      Come to the MLK weekend extravaganza, bring your bourbon and your story, I'll build the fire.
      ...and don’t forget that beautiful monkey bread! :thumbup:
    • New

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science
      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.
      gotta be more to this story, do tell.
      Freeze dried chilli the night before precipitated the stirring of certain gastric juices during a full day of hiking... and dried apricots, a lot of them, may have been involved...
      In my professional opinion that combination of food is a poor choice. PooFan
      Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
      Dr. Seuss Cof123
    • New

      Rasty wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      Tin Man wrote:

      Jake Ace wrote:

      And in other news

      I just love this headline...

      Well anyway the original news feed read.

      A huge magma bubble is forming under New England, but don’t panic.

      google.com/amp/s/relay.nationa…england-volcanoes-science
      I hope Bartender doesn't get wind of this. He already holds me accountable for the two-year closing of the Greylock road after a certain kind of epic, um, evacuation the year before.
      gotta be more to this story, do tell.
      Freeze dried chilli the night before precipitated the stirring of certain gastric juices during a full day of hiking... and dried apricots, a lot of them, may have been involved...
      In my professional opinion that combination of food is a poor choice. PooFan
      Depends on the objective . . .
    • New

      So in OTHER news....

      Today, Dec 13, is St. Lucia Day. Named for Lucia of Syracusa Sicily who in the year 304 was martyred because she became a Christian and donated her dowry to the poor. Her fiancee was not pleased and had her burned at the stake, however legend says that the flames would not consume her. We happened to visit the square where she was executed on her festival day. Nothing commemorates the burning of a saint like giant pink Barbie balloons.



      Her legend spread and she became associated with many apparitions and miracles, all associated with fire and light. Today she is most celebrated in Sweden where every year on Dec 13 when the Christmas season kicks off with a procession of young women/girls singing songs and distributing treats. One is chosen to be Lucia and wears a crown of candles in her hair. Here is our daughter as Lucia in our local pageant in 2008.



      The culmination of the Swedish Christmas season comes at exactly 3 PM on Christmas Eve when the whole country shuts down and everyone watches a TV show of Donald Duck cartoon from the 1930's through 50's. The exact same show has aired on Swedish TV (and everyone has watched) every year since 1959.