Welcome to the AppalachianTrailCafe.net!
Take a moment and register and then join the conversation

My dad is dying of cancer - I am looking for some ideas.

    This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse this site, you are agreeing to our Cookie Policy.

    • My dad is dying of cancer - I am looking for some ideas.

      Well lets first introduce my dad, a guy that survived WW2 at a young age in Liverpool England and immigrated to Australia after getting married to my mother from Manchester, age 23 to 21. He had already hiked most of the France Alps prior to getting hooked up. I came along in Sydney 1961 and he introduced me to Backpacking in the USA age 10. Yes now I am a dual citizen USA and AUS. Something is wrong with adding photos at the moment.

      Derek & I have been hiking some 40 + years and I tonight decided to have a talk with the people that are caring for him in a hospice situation... I honestly do not know if I have 2 weeks or 2 years, its dire. He has cancer of the Anus and that is clearly inoperable. He is 79 year old and I feel I have most of his friends on speed dial.

      So I am thinking he needs a hard wall camper (I have it) and the rest of us tent and two can sleep on cots in the tow vehicle. Some of the group will sleep in their cars and we set a campfire in the best place on earth. I have to get permission from the Hospice and I was wondering if anyone else had suggestions. I will be taking him if I can to the Susquehanna River park area.
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • My condolences.

      This is a tough time for all involved.

      Suggest you determine if he wishes to make such a trip. If so, do it. However he may wish to go along with the idea only for your sake.

      The uncle whom taught me to fish, hike, hunt, camp, and shared his love for the outdoors, was stricken with a terminal disease when I was out of the country. As he continued to communicate and did not mention his illness, I finally learned of his condition upon visiting him.

      He asked me to prep his boat for a last fishing trip. We did go on the jaunt but it cost him in discomfort.
      He passed soon after. I've always wondered if the trip was for him or me. He was the type of guy to give one his last dollar.

      Lest we forget.....



      SSgt Ray Rangel - USAF
      SrA Elizabeth Loncki - USAF
      PFC Adam Harris - USA
      MSgt Eden Pearl - USMC
    • Condolences to you and your family and prayers for your father.

      If he can make the trip that would be great but if he can't spend whatever time you can with him.

      I lost my father in 1993 when I still lived in Conn. That was the year I was taking my first fishing trip to MT. My parents lived in FL and had traveled to Conn on their way to Alaska to visit family. They arrived in Conn just a couple of days before I was to fly out. Busy with my last days of work and final packing the plan was to catch up with them on their return travels from Alaska.

      My father died of a massive heart attack while at my sister's house while I was sitting in Cincinnati airport waiting for my connecting flight to MT. Hadn't seen him in a year.

      He also introduced us to the outdoors and hiking. His ashes we spread in Alaska and on the mountain in NY that he hiked numerous times in his youth and always talked about.

      Cherish whatever time you have with your father
      The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.
    • WOO, first know I'm sorry to hear about this situation.
      My advice would be to spend as much time together as you can, no matter where it is.
      Just ask him if there's anything he'd like to do, then it to his level of comfort.
      If it's camping great, if it's something else make that as good for him as you can.
    • So sorry to hear this. I would ask him what he'd like to do, and be ready with a few suggestions. But first, I think you are saying he is in hospice. I would have a frank talk with them first. Tell them to be honest with you. If they say "there is NO WAY he can go camping" then you know not to offer it and get his hopes up for that. However, perhaps they would say "no, he shouldn't go camping.....but you know......we could set up a tent in the back green space and he'd be within 20 feet of the door and you could...."
      Pirating – Corporate Takeover without the paperwork
    • TrafficJam wrote:

      So sorry WOO. It's so difficult, especially if you're the primary care giver. I encourage you to find a support group or someone who is non-judgmental who you can vent to.
      If we can get the immune system up a little (he is running a mild fever) and the pain down - he went home for four hours today - but the nursing is too much for him (shots, bags, maintaining meds) If we can get some improvement - We will get the hiker back out into the woods for a weekend.
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • He may check out next two weeks - he rejected going to Jefferson (Phila) to see his surgeons anymore. I haven't told him and I have his closest friends on standby unfortunately, one went to Maine for three months. I am headed for Bethany DE this weekend,
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • sorry to hear.
      I lost both my parents to cancer

      My mom went in hospice.
      Hardest part was knowing she could have lived much longer
      But her pain was not controllable with oral medications anymore
      And thats a hard thing to watch.
      At that point its a conscious decision to end someones suffering. And thats sonething you live with forever. Knowing that it was possible to keep them alive with IV fluids/food and pain medicine, but choosing not to postpone the inevitable and extend their suffering.
    • LIhikers wrote:

      Drybones wrote:

      Astro wrote:

      My mother's last words were "stop the pain and let me go". And for people of faith, there is something better for them to look forward to.
      I don't see death as death, I see it as another birth, into another life, as was the first one.
      The start of another adventure!I guess it's just the getting there that can be painful.
      Yeah, I was pretty happy, laying back there in the womb with mom taking care of me, no troubles, all I could eat, the easy life, I would have stayed there forever if she hadn't kicked me out of the house, it was a pretty tragic experience, but I lived through it, and it's not as bad as I thought it would be out here, not looking forward to this next one either but I'm guessing it will be similar to the first, just getting through the door is the worst of it.
      I may grow old but I'll never grow up.
    • Drybones wrote:

      LIhikers wrote:

      Drybones wrote:

      Astro wrote:

      My mother's last words were "stop the pain and let me go". And for people of faith, there is something better for them to look forward to.
      I don't see death as death, I see it as another birth, into another life, as was the first one.
      The start of another adventure!I guess it's just the getting there that can be painful.
      Yeah, I was pretty happy, laying back there in the womb with mom taking care of me, no troubles, all I could eat, the easy life, I would have stayed there forever if she hadn't kicked me out of the house, it was a pretty tragic experience, but I lived through it, and it's not as bad as I thought it would be out here, not looking forward to this next one either but I'm guessing it will be similar to the first, just getting through the door is the worst of it.
      I assisted a professor researching early memories. One of the children we interviewed about earliest memories stated he remembered being in a warm and dark place then suddenly being exposed to bright light, reddish liquid, and cold. Mom confirmed he was born via caesarean.

      Lest we forget.....



      SSgt Ray Rangel - USAF
      SrA Elizabeth Loncki - USAF
      PFC Adam Harris - USA
      MSgt Eden Pearl - USMC
    • The worst part of what I am going thru is that dad and I have talked about everything - so there is little to ask him, I know there are questions... but nothing comes to mind and time is short. I have fond memories of his friends and mine going camping, hiking, kayaking, and bicycling and oh-well. I know his wishes - he wants his ashes taken to the Pinnacle on the AT to be cast to the wind.
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • This past October Kathy and I were at our best friends house when she died of cancer.
      I was both glad and sad, at the same time, to be there with her family when she died.
      It was something that had been coming for a couple of years and everyone was at peace when it finally happened, even our friend.
    • I realize this may surprise some - I have not had an experience with a relative passing away since the age of 9. My mothers' mom lived in Aber Wales, she retired to a 500+ year old stone house and lived I think to be 83 I visited with her many times.
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • WOO, this advice may not be best for you and your dad, so take it with a grain of salt.

      I am into genealogy and my family history. I've sort of become a caretaker and archiver of my various extended family photographs. Unfortunately, for many of the very old photos I have no idea who is in them. I wish I had taken the time while the previous generation was alive to go through their photographs with them and learn the people and stories behind them. Write names on the back of the photos, you will forget. On the few occasions I was able to do this, it seemed to be well received and appreciated.
      “Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
      the saddest are these, 'It might have been.”


      John Greenleaf Whittier
    • ^^^Excellent advice from IMScotty! I used to think my grandfather (lived in PA) was nuts because he would write on the margins or back of every photo. Who it was, when taken, where and such. He passed at 99 and we are SO thankful that he did that! My wife brought home boxes of photos from her parents home. Her dad is now 92, but between bad eyesight and that half these photos are people from my wife's moms family, we have no idea who is in the photos, when they were taken, where and such.
      Pirating – Corporate Takeover without the paperwork
    • LIhikers wrote:

      This past October Kathy and I were at our best friends house when she died of cancer.
      I was both glad and sad, at the same time, to be there with her family when she died.
      It was something that had been coming for a couple of years and everyone was at peace when it finally happened, even our friend.
      Similar experiences here.

      As he died rather suddenly at a relatively young age from injuries sustained in a motor vehicle accident several days earlier, I was able to be with him when he passed.

      Lest we forget.....



      SSgt Ray Rangel - USAF
      SrA Elizabeth Loncki - USAF
      PFC Adam Harris - USA
      MSgt Eden Pearl - USMC
    • This is getting to be a better topic... my dad is coming home today from the nursing home,He will be on the couch for a while with visiting nurses and that will make him somewhat happy. His gamma irradiation is tomorrow to relieve some of the pain.
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • Wise Old Owl wrote:

      This is getting to be a better topic... my dad is coming home today from the nursing home,He will be on the couch for a while with visiting nurses and that will make him somewhat happy. His gamma irradiation is tomorrow to relieve some of the pain.
      That is good news. My mom demanded to be taken out of hospice to pass at home in the living room surrounded by familiar things and family in as "natural" a setting as possible.

      From a weird personal experience, I was in and out of consciousness for two days in the hospital and was fully aware when I was conscious(well..mostly) and when I was drifting back into the dark, it was the fact that I knew my family was right there that made it less...anxious. Just being there at his side holding his hand is a great comfort and one that cannot be overestimated, IMHO.

      T's dad suffered a massive stroke yesterday and had to be choppered from the ranch to Barnes Hospital here in STL. He's been battling neck and throat cancer(it's a losing battle, Stage IV-C) and threw a clot from a surgery he had two weeks ago. He can't communicate with voice today, but is conscious and fairly alert. You can see in his eyes the comfort when they let us in, two at a time, to sit at his side. His HR drops, his BP drops and he is lest restless(he's having random muscle seizures/movements combined with paralysis). Just be there.
    • ScareBear wrote:


      Wise Old Owl wrote:

      This is getting to be a better topic... my dad is coming home today from the nursing home,He will be on the couch for a while with visiting nurses and that will make him somewhat happy. His gamma irradiation is tomorrow to relieve some of the pain.
      That is good news. My mom demanded to be taken out of hospice to pass at home in the living room surrounded by familiar things and family in as "natural" a setting as possible.
      From a weird personal experience, I was in and out of consciousness for two days in the hospital and was fully aware when I was conscious(well..mostly) and when I was drifting back into the dark, it was the fact that I knew my family was right there that made it less...anxious. Just being there at his side holding his hand is a great comfort and one that cannot be overestimated, IMHO.

      T's dad suffered a massive stroke yesterday and had to be choppered from the ranch to Barnes Hospital here in STL. He's been battling neck and throat cancer(it's a losing battle, Stage IV-C) and threw a clot from a surgery he had two weeks ago. He can't communicate with voice today, but is conscious and fairly alert. You can see in his eyes the comfort when they let us in, two at a time, to sit at his side. His HR drops, his BP drops and he is lest restless(he's having random muscle seizures/movements combined with paralysis). Just be there.
      So sorry to hear that...
      Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you! :thumbup:
    • Wise Old Owl wrote:

      ScareBear wrote:

      Wise Old Owl wrote:

      This is getting to be a better topic... my dad is coming home today from the nursing home,He will be on the couch for a while with visiting nurses and that will make him somewhat happy. His gamma irradiation is tomorrow to relieve some of the pain.
      That is good news. My mom demanded to be taken out of hospice to pass at home in the living room surrounded by familiar things and family in as "natural" a setting as possible.From a weird personal experience, I was in and out of consciousness for two days in the hospital and was fully aware when I was conscious(well..mostly) and when I was drifting back into the dark, it was the fact that I knew my family was right there that made it less...anxious. Just being there at his side holding his hand is a great comfort and one that cannot be overestimated, IMHO.

      T's dad suffered a massive stroke yesterday and had to be choppered from the ranch to Barnes Hospital here in STL. He's been battling neck and throat cancer(it's a losing battle, Stage IV-C) and threw a clot from a surgery he had two weeks ago. He can't communicate with voice today, but is conscious and fairly alert. You can see in his eyes the comfort when they let us in, two at a time, to sit at his side. His HR drops, his BP drops and he is lest restless(he's having random muscle seizures/movements combined with paralysis). Just be there.
      So sorry to hear that...
      Thanks. We are hoping for the best, but it is coming up on a week and he has had no improvement on ability to swallow. Still in the Neuro step-down ICU...