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    • SarcasmTheElf wrote:

      socks wrote:

      odd man out wrote:

      Summer before last, on my way to VA for my section hike, I had a long layover in DC, so I took the bus out to Dulles to see the SR71 at the A&S Museum. All my favorite planes were there. they have lockers you can use to stash your pack.


      One of my favorite places on the planet, any Air and Space museum, freakin' awesome.
      Check out this link for an awesome story told by ab SR71 pilot. If my jobsamaphone would let me past the whole thing here then I would.tickld.com/x/jaw/military-pilo…2&utm_content=inf_10_93_2
      yup, read that before, great story.
    • WiseOldOwl wrote:

      As you know Obama pardoned both turkeys again for Thanksgiving.



      Why won’t Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving?

      Because Vice President Biden will be out of town.



      More about what happens to pardoned Turkeys
      Interesting about the short life of the turkeys.
      As I said in another post, pardoning of the turkey dates all the way back to George H.W. Bush.
      :thumbsup:
      Resident Australian, proving being a grumpy old man is not just an American trait.
    • Article I read seemed credible (trying to find it again but it's late).
      Lincoln got one for a Christmas dinner but his 8yo had made friends with it by the time it had come around. A couple of other turkeys (again mostly Christmas dinners) had lives and stories about not being eaten but actual media event "pardoning" started with the 1st Bush. And yes money changed hands between GOP and the national turkey growers body (whatever they're called).
      After the 1st Thanksgiving the Pilgrims didn't have another for 12 years and that was in thanks for beating Indians in some battle.
      Resident Australian, proving being a grumpy old man is not just an American trait.
    • OzJacko wrote:

      WiseOldOwl wrote:

      As you know Obama pardoned both turkeys again for Thanksgiving.



      Why won’t Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving?

      Because Vice President Biden will be out of town.



      More about what happens to pardoned Turkeys
      Interesting about the short life of the turkeys.As I said in another post, pardoning of the turkey dates all the way back to George H.W. Bush.
      :thumbsup:
      Well This was a place for jokes and I put some timely thought into this... First President that has pardoned a turkey... Ronald....its odd that both get pardoned... not sure whoo started that.
      Why question the intentions of a road-crossing chicken?
    • Trebor wrote:

      Have you ever looked up at the sky and thought certain clouds looked like a cat or a tree or Santa Claus?
      I wonder if clouds ever look down at earth, see Obama's shadow and say " hmmm, that one looks like a idiot".....
      Wait He has a shadow? No way ......"There is no shadow to be cast! An early spring is my forecast!"
      Why question the intentions of a road-crossing chicken?
    • An orienteer was running along one day when he came to the narrowest part of the River Severn in England. Seeing another orienteer on the other bank, he called out, 'Hey, how do I get to the other side?'
      The other orienteer, who incidentally came from Wales, looked carefully along the bank to the left, then carefully along the bank to the right, thought a bit, then called back, 'You are on the other side.'
      Why question the intentions of a road-crossing chicken?
    • Andy was on a walking holiday in the Peak District of England. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink.
      The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a little pig running around the kitchen, running up to Andy and giving him a great deal of attention. Andy observed and commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
      The housewife replied, 'Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using.'
      Why question the intentions of a road-crossing chicken?
    • Mitch Hedberg...

      • I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D".

      • A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

      • I am not addicted to gambling although I am addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

      • You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together."

      • I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

      • I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

      • I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."

      • My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

      • My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".

      • This is what my friend said to me; he said "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like,"Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."

      • A guy told me he liked cherries... But... I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato... Before I realized he likes cherries just... All right, that joke is ridiculous. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. I don't know what I was trying to pull off there.

      • Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load s--- into a truck.

      • Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."

      • On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

      • I never joined the army because "at ease" never seemed that easy to me. It seemed rather uptight, still. I do not relax by putting my arms behind my back and parting my legs slightly, that does not equal ease to me. At ease is not being in the military. I'm eased bro, cause I'm not in the military.

      • My friend said to me "I think the weather's trippy." I said "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought "Man, I should have just said 'Yeah.'"

      • I dressed up for the CD.

      • I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "F--- it, cut em up!"
      >>>Advertise here! Affordable rates and no long term contracts. Send a PM for more details!<<<
    • SarcasmTheElf wrote:

      Mitch Hedberg...

      • I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D".

      • A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

      • I am not addicted to gambling although I am addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

      • You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together."

      • I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

      • I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

      • I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."

      • My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

      • My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".

      • This is what my friend said to me; he said "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like,"Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."

      • A guy told me he liked cherries... But... I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato... Before I realized he likes cherries just... All right, that joke is ridiculous. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. I don't know what I was trying to pull off there.

      • Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load s--- into a truck.

      • Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."

      • On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

      • I never joined the army because "at ease" never seemed that easy to me. It seemed rather uptight, still. I do not relax by putting my arms behind my back and parting my legs slightly, that does not equal ease to me. At ease is not being in the military. I'm eased bro, cause I'm not in the military.

      • My friend said to me "I think the weather's trippy." I said "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought "Man, I should have just said 'Yeah.'"

      • I dressed up for the CD.

      • I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "F--- it, cut em up!"

      All I can say is....SOMEONE SLAP THE ELF!!!....he's freaked out on some bad stuff.
      I may grow old but I'll never grow up.
    • Rasty wrote:

      Astro wrote:

      Drybones wrote:

      Rasty wrote:

      A guy goes to a zoo. The zoo only has one animal. It's a dog. It's a shih tzu.
      I know I'm going to embarrass myself... I don't get it, need help.
      Focus on the phonics instead of the spelling.
      It's why that is my second favorite joke
      So what is the first?
      The road to glory cannot be followed with much baggage.
      Richard Ewell, CSA General
    • A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk." "Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
      2,000 miler